Salamat!

Life has been good to me, not only this year, but for the most part of my life.

But as mentioned in my last post, I’ve reached a milestone in my life, I now embrace the person that I am. I guess it’s just proper that I thank the people who have helped me get to this point.

To the author of the first gay blog I have ever read. Thank you for opening this new world to me, especially to the elite circle of gay bloggers that I admire. Despite us meeting in person only a few times, you were warm, genuinely interested and caring. Oh, and you bitch-slapped me once over the phone, which I badly needed at that time.

To you who I met in a dance floor. Thank you for being friendly that night even if you were feeling awkward and vulnerable. Thank you for sharing my blog to the rest of my idols. If not for you, I would have remained a distant fan and would have missed all the fun times and new friends.

To the one who sent me a message in Multiply. Imagine how thrilled I was to get a message from you. You kindly said hello to just one of the fans. We’ve spent so many hours chatting about so many things, we even had some “Sister Aloysius” moments. I value your thoughts and opinions. I respect your point of view. Thank you for listening and not getting tired of my issues.

To the guy beside me on that round table. Thanks for the nudge! Or as you say a “shove”. I can be dense at times so the shove was highly necessary. Thank you for waking my sleeping heart. It was nice to find out that my heart was still in perfect working condition. You have taught my heart lessons which will help me become a better person.

To the umbrella-breaker. We haven’t spent a lot of time together. We barely chatted when I was still far away. But I feel a strong bond with you. I intend to nurture our friendship in the coming years.

To my former online chat buddy. Thank you for spending time chatting with me. It was fun to discover things about you. Thank you for confiding in me.

To the bitch. Thank you for bringing me back to my senses. You’ve done this a few times already without you knowing it. I’m not even sure if you consider me your friend, but to me you are one.

To my British blogger friend. You are such a friendly guy, thank you for agreeing to meet me despite my difficult schedule. It was an honor to meet you in person. I admire your writing skills and wish you all the best in life. I’ll keep my promise to keep in touch.

To the shy guy beneath the surface. I was caught off-guard (in a good way) by a lot of things about you. Thank you for trusting me with details of your love life. I discovered a lot about you in just a short time. Thank you for teaching me the benefit of having no expectations. Hope to see more of you this coming year.

To the silent followers of this blog, thank you for taking time to visit my site. Wishing you a happy and prosperous new year!!

A New Journey Begins!

Yes, London Boy is no longer in London.

I'm back home for good.

My last few months in the UK were so busy, which explains the lack of blog posts (oh and this as well).

I have been a very good, chaste boy during most of my stay in London, but I made up for it by doing a lot of naughty stuff before going home. And so I come back with no regrets, no "what ifs" in my mind.

When I left for the UK two years ago, I embarked on a new journey in my life. And now I come back to Manila not to continue my previous journey, but to start a new one. This time it's different. I have now decided to fully live my life as a gay man. I resolve not to hide my light under a bushel. I have some fear in my heart, perhaps fear of the unknown. But I am also very excited. Excited about the people I will meet, the places I will see and the experiences I will have.

I've been here a week, and I've left the house just two times. Both days were spent to meet my new and old gay friends. I had so much fun. I hope there is more to come!

Join me in my new journey :)

Oh My Daniel!

He made me love James Bond.

He made me love British actors.

He made me love him.

Pakshet!!!

This photo is from his movie "Flashbacks of a Fool", it starts with an orgy scene with Daniel and 2 women where he shows everything except his tool.

I want this popsicle!!!!

OMG! Duncan James of "Blue" is bisexual!!!

Fair enough if you haven't heard about him before. Blue, a boyband which he is a member of wasn't that popular in the Philippines. But I'm sure you know one of their hits "One Love".

I didn't know him either when I was still in Manila, it's when I went to the UK that I heard of him, he was playing one of the characters in "Chicago" in the West End, and this promotional poster of him caught my eye, I was salivating!!

So, I was thrilled when they announced in April that Blue has reformed.

But I was even thrilled when I read this news article this afternoon:

http://www.newsoftheworld.co.uk/showbiz/xs/402391/Blues-Duncan-James-I-have-flings-with-men.html

Here are tidbits of what he said in that interview:

"I'm bisexual. I've been in loving relationships with men as well as women - and I'm not ashamed."

"Am I gay? Am I straight? Am I bi? That's why I was so frightened about talking. Now, in my early 30s, I know who I am and I'm proud of who I am. I don't want to hide anymore."

"I wanted to be able to say to someone, 'This is going on and I don't know what to do,' but I was too SCARED."

"Being bisexual as a man is a taboo subject but I'm 100 per cent happy with who I am. "

"But I'm at a place where I'm finally comfortable with myself after 31 years."

"I'm ready to be honest, not just to myself but to all the fans and everyone who's been there for me."

I hope Duncan's honesty pays off and not jeopardize Blue's comeback. Love you Duncan!!

P.S. I just realized why I'm so attracted to him, it's because he looks like Josh Weston, one of my favorite "Falcon" stars. :)

Holiday Cuties

I'm back from my holiday. Now take a look at the cuties that I collected for you.

Cutie # 1 - Gay guy in H&M, San Francisco

Cutie # 2 - Straight guy in H&M, San Francisco

Cutie #3 - The 3rd guy from the left in Monterey, California


Cutie #4 - Brandon Routh look-alike in Universal Studios

Cutie #5 - Straight Guy in Universal Studios

Wish I could have taken more pictures :)

You were right!

During the first month of this blog, a friend quizzed me on the real reasons for setting it up. He asked me if I started the blog because of this guy. I flatly denied it, saying that my reasons were clearly laid out in my first post. Back then, I believed what I was saying.

But now, it's been more than a month since my last post. And coincidentally (or not), my last post was about him. I just didn't have the urge to write anything after that episode. So I guess my friend was right. You can now tell me "I told you so!!!"

Marking the end of emo-ness

I had a blog entry in mind to come with the song, but I realized it was too personal. Too personal for me and another person.

So I'm keeping it short, this song marks the end of my emo-ness.

OPM - Pagdating ng panahon - San Miguel Philharmonic

Alam kong hindi mo pansin
Narito lang ako
Naghihintay na mahalin
Umaasa kahit di man ngayon
Mapapansin mo rin
Mapapansin mo rin

Alam kong di mo makita
Narito lang ako
Hinihintay lagi kita
Umaasa kahit di man ngayon
Hahanapin mo rin
Hahanapin din

Chorus:
Pagdating ng panahon
Baka ikaw rin at ako
Baka tibok ng puso ko'y
Maging tibok ng puso mo
Sana nga'y mangyari 'yon
Kahit di pa lang ngayon
Sana ay mahalin mo rin
Pagdating ng panahon

Alam kong hindi mo alam
Narito lang ako
Maghihintay kahit kailan
Nangangarap kahit di man ngayon
Mamahalin mo rin
Mamahalin mo rin

Chorus

Bridge:
Di pa siguro bukas
Di pa rin ngayon
Malay mo balang araw
Dumating din iyon

Chorus

Distraction

Monday afternoon.

Inside a tube train on the Piccadilly line.

I was reading the newspaper.

Hatton Cross station, two guys sit in front of me.

This made me miss the point of the opinion piece I was reading ....

And this made me miss my stop.Ahh, distractions :)

Stages (Thank you Fabcasters!)

Since I was a young kid, I've always known I was different, I was always getting bullied for being effeminate. My friends were all girls and chinese garter and 10-20 were our favorite pastime. Despite the effeminate tendencies, I was living the life of a straight guy, I had my own teenage sweetheart and shared green jokes with the guys. Silently though, I was sharing the crushes of my girl friends, I enjoyed listening to them when they tell stories about these cute guys.

My foray into the gay lifestyle started in college, it happened one day while I was walking the streets of Recto. Gay magazines were extremely popular, and so I started collecting "Cover Boy", I particularly fancied this one as it was the most daring yet tasteful mag of the time. Stage two came when I stumbled into the DVD-laden streets of Quaipo (back then it was still VCDs). For P100 for 3 pieces, you can buy a piece of gay heaven. This is an interest that I have carried over when I started working, only this time I buy my gay porn online from sellers in yahoo groups.

My gay life was a secret to everyone. I was contented with the way it was, it was another side of me that people didn't have to know. I hardly thought of coming out.

It was at work when I started stage three. I discovered "Guys4men". It was an exciting world, not only do I get to see pictures of cute and naked guys, I get to see them in the flesh. But I was engaging in the lifestyle in moderation as even if I wanted to do more, my job didn't give me the time to do so. G4M led me to what I consider stage four, I was invited to join an orgy group, I must admit it was a big ego boost to be asked to join them. I then later found out that I was invited as part of their efforts to have variety in the group, "not everyone is into twinks" was what the organizer said, ouch!

Stage five began when I discovered gay blogs. Manila Gay Guy was the first gay blog I've read. Like a lot of gay guys, it was the sexy photos that initially attracted me to the site. Migs also started publishing his readers' letters which I enjoyed a lot. He also featured other gay bloggers which I all eventually followed: Gibbs, Mcvie, AJ, CC, Misterhubs, Tiggah and Lobster Tony. MGG then started to do podcasts, my favorite episode ever is the "Coming Out" series. The statement that reverberates in my mind came from Gibbs, sharing the reason for his coming out, he said "It's a very frustrating thing that there is this something that is so fundamental to me that I've come to accept that I can't tell ..." . This statement was so compelling that it eventually ended up in my official "coming out" speech. Thank you Troikasters! (now known as the Fabcasters)

Over the last 18 months, I have already came out to 18 people. 6 office friends, 3 college friends and 9 elementary and high school barkada. Each time I come out, I feel lighter, I feel liberated, I feel free.

My current LSS best describes how I feel, "Electricity" from Billy Elliot the Musical (which I watched last week at the West End, cryola ang beauty ko).



I can't really explain it, I haven't got the words
It's a feeling that you can't control
I suppose it's like forgetting, losing who you are
And at the same time something makes you whole

It's like that there's a music, playing in your ear
And I'm listening, and I'm listening, and then I disappear

And then I feel a change, like a fire deep inside
Something bursting me wide open, impossible to hide
And suddenly I'm flying, flying like a bird
Like Electricity, electricity
Sparks inside of me, and I'm free, I'm free

It's a bit like being angry; it's a bit like being scared
Confused and all mixed up and mad as hell
It's like when you've been crying
And you're empty and you're full
I don't know what it is, it's hard to tell

It's like that there's some music, playing in your ear
But the music is impossible, impossible to hear

But then I feel it move me
Like a burning deep inside
Something bursting me wide open
Impossible to hide
And suddenly I'm flying
Flying like a bird
Like Electricity, electricity
Sparks inside of me
And I'm free, I'm free

Electricity sparks inside of me
And I'm free, I'm free
Oh, I'm free

Happy Birthday C!

In December 2008, I went back to Manila for a month long vacation. I have been away for 13 months. I brought home with me a list of things I had to buy, and activities I had to do.

After 27 days in the Philippines, it was time to return to London once again. I looked at my list, everything was ticked off, everything was done. On 3 January, the day of my flight, I wasn't too sad, the 27 days was enough for me, I had no regrets on how I spent my limited time back home.

But there was one thing that made leaving difficult, it was something not on my list, something I didn't plan to do. I met C on that fateful night in a hotel in Ortigas.

I was happy to have met you, but sad that things have to be put on hold for 10 months. I hope you never get tired of reading my YM messages. I hope you keep in touch. I hope fate is on my side.

In less than an hour (Manila time), this very special person in my life will celebrate his birthday. I hope you enjoy this day, I hope you have fun.

As for me, I guess I'll have to make do with seeing you in my dreams tonight.

Happy Birthday C!

Chances Are - Vonda Shepard & Robert Downey Jr.

Chances are you'll find me
Somewhere on your road tonight
Seems I always end up driving by
Ever since I've known you
It just seems you're on my way
All the rules of logic don't apply

I long to see you in the night
Be with you 'til morning light

I remember clearly how you looked
The night we met
I recall your laughter and your smile
I remember how you made me
Feel so at ease
I remember all your grace, your style

And now you're all I long to see
You've come to mean so much to me

Chances are I'll see you
Somewhere in my dreams tonight
You'll be smiling like the night we met
Chances are I'll hold you and I'll offer
All I have

You're the only one I can't forget
Baby you're the best, I've ever met

And I'll be dreaming of the future
And hoping you'll be by my side
And in the morning I'll be longing
For the night, for the night

Chances are I'll see you
Somewhere in my dreams tonight
You'll be smiling like the night we met
Chances are I'll hold you and I'll offer
All I have

You're the only one I can't forget
Baby you're the best I've ever met

Fancy some Footie?

The United Kingdom is a football country.

On the sports section of newspapers, it will be pages and pages of football players and their "wags". Only in this country does a change in manager of the national team makes front page news. And who would forget the fierce riots after emotionally charged games.

I've been here for over a year but I've managed to watch only one full game on TV. But I can now recognize a handful of the popular players. But just when I thought I can already start chatting with the Brits about football, I realized that I only know the hot footie players :)

Most Filipino gay men know David Beckham (but of course).

But let me introduce to you the other players that I know:

Cristiano Ronaldo

Frank Lampard

Steven Gerrhard

John Terry

Aren't they enough reasons to love football? :)

Happy Valentine's Day!

It's been a while since I last felt like saying "Happy Valentine's Day!" I don't even remember when. I don't despise people who say it to me, but I just respond politely with a "thank you".

I guess not being in a relationship for a long time has contributed to this. My last romantic relationship was in March 1998, with a girl! Yes, with a girl.

But this year is an exception. No, I'm not back in a relationship. I just feel like saying it.

To C, Happy Valentine's Day!

P.S. I know how you love receiving flowers, I hope this will do for the meantime.

Afraid for Love to Fade

For the longest time, I've been singing this song as part of my "Lea Concert Series" (my officemates would know what this means). But it was just a few weeks ago that I gave the lyrics of this song a closer look.

I then realized how much this song illustrates how I feel towards C.

C, from my heart to yours!

afraid for love to fade - lea salonga


My head's in a jam
Can't take you off my mind
From the time we met
I've been beset by thoughts of you
And the more that I ignore this feeling
The more I find myself believing
That I just have to see you again

I can't let you pass me by
I just can't let you go
But I know that I am much too shy
To let you know
Afraid that I might say the wrong words
And displease you
Afraid for love to fade
Before it can come true

Like a child again
I'm at a loss for words
How does one define
A crush combined with longing?
Longing to possess you oh so dearly
I'm obsessed by you completely
I'll go mad if I can't have you

I can't let you pass me by
I just can't let you go
But I know that I am much too shy
To let you know
Afraid that I might say the wrong words
And displease you
Afraid for love to fade
Before it can come true

(Instrumental)
I can't let you pass me by
I just can't let you go
Let me say the things and say the words
To let you know
I would rather say the awkward words
Than lose you
Or for love to fade
Before it can come true

This Broke My Heart

Too bad I wasn't able to watch the finals. But I'm sure it was one hell of a match just like the Wimbledon finals last year.

By Chance

I did not plan it. I wasn't expecting it.

I arrived back in Gatwick on January 4 at 7 am in the morning. 3 hours later, I received a text message from the guy who used to be "the one". He was in transit in Gatwick, had 9 hours to spare before his connecting flight, and was asking if he could hang out in my flat.

Now I am really, really tired by this time as I was just on a 21 hour journey from Manila. But of course! Who I am to say no???

And so to make the long story short, we hang out and had fun, wehehe!!!

But just to make it clear, there was no more emotional attachment there, he's not back as "the one". He's just another fuck :)

Australian Open

Too bad I won't be able to watch the Australian Open as it will be shown past midnight here in the UK. I became a tennis fan last year after I've watched the Wimbledon Men's Finals (Federer-Nadal) on TV. I became a fan of the sport, and of Rafael Nadal's beautiful butt :)

Just look at what I'm going miss!!!!!

The Gift

It's probably the best set of gifts I received this Christmas. Well it's the only proper gift I received, hehe, I don't count the generic stuff I got (mugs, bath towels, etc. - sorry sa mga nagbigay nito sa akin).

The gifts were well thought of, my friend (together with her husband) picked items that they know I will love. Let's enumerate:

1. A small bottle of Hydroglide

2. The book "Masculadoll"

3. Two shirts from Artwork

The First Post

Well, the title says it all.

I am an auditor, a crappy one! wehehe

I have a personal blog already, but since I'm a closeted gay man, there are a lot of stuff that I am unable to say there (sad but true).

So this is my solution, another blog where I will be able to talk about my closeted gay life.

I have not done a good job posting entries in my other blog (cause most of the stuff happening recently in my life are gay-related), so I hope I do better in here.

Wish me luck!