Alam kong hindi mo pansin Narito lang ako Naghihintay na mahalin Umaasa kahit di man ngayon Mapapansin mo rin Mapapansin mo rin
Alam kong di mo makita Narito lang ako Hinihintay lagi kita Umaasa kahit di man ngayon Hahanapin mo rin Hahanapin din
Chorus: Pagdating ng panahon Baka ikaw rin at ako Baka tibok ng puso ko'y Maging tibok ng puso mo Sana nga'y mangyari 'yon Kahit di pa lang ngayon Sana ay mahalin mo rin Pagdating ng panahon
Alam kong hindi mo alam Narito lang ako Maghihintay kahit kailan Nangangarap kahit di man ngayon Mamahalin mo rin Mamahalin mo rin
Chorus
Bridge: Di pa siguro bukas Di pa rin ngayon Malay mo balang araw Dumating din iyon
Since I was a young kid, I've always known I was different, I was always getting bullied for being effeminate. My friends were all girls and chinese garter and 10-20 were our favorite pastime. Despite the effeminate tendencies, I was living the life of a straight guy, I had my own teenage sweetheart and shared green jokes with the guys. Silently though, I was sharing the crushes of my girl friends, I enjoyed listening to them when they tell stories about these cute guys.
My foray into the gay lifestyle started in college, it happened one day while I was walking the streets of Recto. Gay magazines were extremely popular, and so I started collecting "Cover Boy", I particularly fancied this one as it was the most daring yet tasteful mag of the time. Stage two came when I stumbled into the DVD-laden streets of Quaipo (back then it was still VCDs). For P100 for 3 pieces, you can buy a piece of gay heaven. This is an interest that I have carried over when I started working, only this time I buy my gay porn online from sellers in yahoo groups.
My gay life was a secret to everyone. I was contented with the way it was, it was another side of me that people didn't have to know. I hardly thought of coming out.
It was at work when I started stage three. I discovered "Guys4men". It was an exciting world, not only do I get to see pictures of cute and naked guys, I get to see them in the flesh. But I was engaging in the lifestyle in moderation as even if I wanted to do more, my job didn't give me the time to do so. G4M led me to what I consider stage four, I was invited to join an orgy group, I must admit it was a big ego boost to be asked to join them. I then later found out that I was invited as part of their efforts to have variety in the group, "not everyone is into twinks" was what the organizer said, ouch!
Stage five began when I discovered gay blogs. Manila Gay Guy was the first gay blog I've read. Like a lot of gay guys, it was the sexy photos that initially attracted me to the site. Migs also started publishing his readers' letters which I enjoyed a lot. He also featured other gay bloggers which I all eventually followed: Gibbs, Mcvie, AJ, CC, Misterhubs, Tiggah and Lobster Tony. MGG then started to do podcasts, my favorite episode ever is the "Coming Out" series. The statement that reverberates in my mind came from Gibbs, sharing the reason for his coming out, he said "It's a very frustrating thing that there is this something that is so fundamental to me that I've come to accept that I can't tell ..." . This statement was so compelling that it eventually ended up in my official "coming out" speech. Thank you Troikasters! (now known as the Fabcasters)
Over the last 18 months, I have already came out to 18 people. 6 office friends, 3 college friends and 9 elementary and high school barkada. Each time I come out, I feel lighter, I feel liberated, I feel free.
My current LSS best describes how I feel, "Electricity" from Billy Elliot the Musical (which I watched last week at the West End, cryola ang beauty ko).
I can't really explain it, I haven't got the words It's a feeling that you can't control I suppose it's like forgetting, losing who you are And at the same time something makes you whole
It's like that there's a music, playing in your ear And I'm listening, and I'm listening, and then I disappear
And then I feel a change, like a fire deep inside Something bursting me wide open, impossible to hide And suddenly I'm flying, flying like a bird Like Electricity, electricity Sparks inside of me, and I'm free, I'm free
It's a bit like being angry; it's a bit like being scared Confused and all mixed up and mad as hell It's like when you've been crying And you're empty and you're full I don't know what it is, it's hard to tell
It's like that there's some music, playing in your ear But the music is impossible, impossible to hear
But then I feel it move me Like a burning deep inside Something bursting me wide open Impossible to hide And suddenly I'm flying Flying like a bird Like Electricity, electricity Sparks inside of me And I'm free, I'm free
Electricity sparks inside of me And I'm free, I'm free Oh, I'm free
Ahh, distractions :)
